Thursday, March 18, 2010

The prayer

I prayed fervently today. I experienced one of those moments when all kinds of bad thoughts come to my mind about people I care about the most, the people I cannot do without. And as I prayed, I realised, with much shame, as to how ungrateful I am to God and how I take things for granted when they are going about nicely and uneventfully; how my prayers lack conviction and dedication when these special people are blending in happily and giving meaning to my life. Yet, I prayed, for I wanted God to banish all these black thoughts from my mind and give me strength so that I never dwell further in any of them. They began to dissipate then, like shadows under the advent of light, through the recesses of my mind. But they did so slowly and painfully, rightly reminding me of my reckless impudence. I was strangely sapped of all the strength, both physically and mentally and still there were vestiges of fear and self-doubt meandering in my heart. But I didn’t care. All I wanted was the prayers, that desperately asked for protection, forgiveness and happiness to those people I love, to be heard. I was humbled by the unconditional gifts He has given me in the form of such marvellous individuals. I was gripped with selfish terror of how shattered by life would become if, God forbid, something awful happened to any of them. And so, I prayed. I made no promises but I asked for guidance to help me remember Him and thank Him for everything, especially for blessing me with the dearest people I could ever wish for. I thought of their smiling faces and every little moment that I had the privilege of sharing with them. The bad thought s faded into an unknown oblivion taking the last of vestiges along with them. I lay there exhausted but thankful and suddenly an inexplicable wave of merciful relief washed over me like a sweet scented breeze just before the first rain. And then I cried...

Saturday, March 13, 2010

The declaration

A treasure of memories that would never fade away
Of days I laughed with you and cried while you wiped tears and it was okay
Of nights I spent silently praying begging God to make you stay
Of times we talked about thoughts and dreams until there was nothing left to say
I don’t have many eloquent words like the noble poets of yore
To describe all that I feel in embellished phrases and more
My feelings were lost in a tempest of uncertainty before
And you shone your beacon until they washed up safely ashore
I’m smitten by the idea of you in my life
Your mere presence in this world of struggle and strife
Your assurance in my heart, your helping hand by my side
I’m smitten by your lasting courage when sometimes hope died
With you everyday is an adventure about to start
Every thought is an epiphany, every action is an art
Every fault is a lesson; they all set you apart
Every soul stirring word inspires me, lingers perpetually in my heart
My love for you is silent but it would never begin to end
Some say its fate is pain and sorrow, some say it’s a foolish trend
Yet my heart is selfless, to such incredulity it would never bend
Let all of the world lament, for my love is blessed with a fierce friend

The dedication

The Girl By The Window...

The cool night air blew very gently, its presence made perceptible by the lazily swaying leaves on the rows of trees that stood on either sides of the road. A lone dark figure stood under the wide canopy of the trees, resolutely still, almost blending into the night, although a few stray shafts of moonlight fell on the unmoving shape and gave away its incongruity. It started moving then, not along the road but away from it, away from the shelter of the trees into the open space on the right side of the road. The dark figure, now bathed completely in moonlight was dark no more, revealing a disarmingly handsome young man.
He moved swiftly across the open field, almost gliding over the soft untended grass, his steps barely disturbing anything that came in their way. He had never ventured this far into the field before. For him to be in the open for this long and hence exposed without the shelter of the canopied road and the woods beyond was highly unusual and fraught with risks. But tonight his intentions too were very unusual and worth every possible risk. The field ended abruptly with a sturdy concrete fence topped with barbed wire mesh. The fence actually belonged to an old two-storey brick house and covered the entire perimeter of the property except for an imposing wrought iron gate that occupied a part of one of the edges of the fence. The house marked the beginning of a small sparse civilisation that became more prominent as one moved further, away from the woods. The young man however stood next to the barb-wired fence gazing up at the brick house uncaring of the rest of the civilisation in that area or the world for that matter. He was still exposed but least bit worried about being seen since he was sure he wasn’t. He took a step towards the fence and then hesitated. For the first time in a very long time he was plagued by an inert uncertainty. Like the others that had preceded this feeling he wanted to ponder over it. But now was not the time. Besides, this uncertainty was, unlike the others, less persistent and least bit daunting. It was no consolation though. They had become recurrent, these sensations, intangible manifestations that left him brooding for hours with no significant success of coming up with explanations. They arose deep within his perpetual and carnal coldness; his inherent, prevailing and tangible coldness. They questioned his frigid resolve and he was at a loss for answers. They washed over him like unpredictable waves and left him helplessly drenched. It took him a while to accept the inevitable and give in.
He gazed particularly at a lone open window of the upper storey on his side of the house. A soft yellow light emanated from between the curtains that obscured most of the window. A whirlwind of thoughts still dominated his mind. He thought of how easily he had been relinquishing his cold demeanour and inner rigidity and surrendering to the unexplained, all-pervading warmth, lately. How uncomplicated, how much better this surrender was. The sight of the dimly glowing window only fuelled his strange resolution that had so successfully conquered him tonight. All hesitation, reservation and stray misgivings forgotten, the young man bent his knees slightly. With surreal grace and agility he jumped straight up in the air, high over the fence, up till he reached the window level and then landed lightly on the thin strip of ledge that stuck out of the wall just below the window. He crouched on one corner of the ledge so that the shadow fell on the wall and not inside the window. He was still for a while, listening. The breeze gained some strength and fluttered the curtains opening them up a bit wider. The moon was hidden by a stray cloud for a while blanketing everything with momentary darkness. The cloud then drifted away and the moonlight fell upon the house, the curtains and found its way through the gap into the dimly lit room. The silvery white light fell on things closest to the window inside the room. One corner of a purple rug, a pair of white fluffy bunny slippers and finally the bed on which lay the reason why the young man had broken the pattern, broken the unwritten rules, forgone caution and reason and was crouching on the thin ledge listening to the slow breathing and the rhythmic beating of the heart. So strange, yet so familiar were those musical sounds of life. A warm life, a mortal life, a life that belonged to this beautiful creature curled up on the bed.
She looked serene and peaceful in her sleep, her dark lustrous hair curling every which way, entangled and tousled. He gazed at the face he had seen so many times in the past few weeks and yet it gave rise to a surge of warm sensations as if he were seeing this beautiful human for the first time in his life. Her features weren’t the most perfect; he had seen far more beautiful and perfect faces before. Yet, none of them had broken through his coldness so powerfully without even trying. For him she was exquisite. He had witnessed a lot of expressions playing across her face before. She enthralled and intrigued him. That one night he had ventured to the edge of the field near the canopied road had changed things more than he had expected. It was late yet she had stood by the window, staring into the moonlit night not unlike this one. He had just glanced in her direction fleetingly and gone back to his meticulous way of closing in on his sighted prey. Her face, then displaying an unfathomable sadness, had sprung up before his eyes while he was trying to concentrate on his prey’s furtive movements. Distracted and vaguely irritated he had turned to look at her again just in time to see a single tear sliding down her cheek, sparkling in the moonlight. The prey was instantly forgotten. His visits to the edge of the field had become frequent after that. He stayed at the edge each time but he could see her clearly whenever she came near the window. Each time her face captivated him. Sometimes it was riveted as she sat next to the window and read novels (many a times The Twilight Saga, Vampire Diaries... how ironic...), sometimes anxious as she pored over text books, her lips mouthing words soundlessly, sometimes joyous as her melodious laughter rang out when she talked over the phone twisting a stray curl absently with her finger, sometimes relaxed as she listened to her favourite songs and sometimes wistful as she gazed at the stars and sighed thinking of her mysterious wishes that he would give anything to know and do whatever he could to fulfil them.
He continued gazing at her face, her curling lashes, her small nose, the curve of her cheeks, her majestic chin and the slight smile on her soft lips. He breathed in then and along with the faint homely smell of her room there came the smell of lavenders, roses, her hair and the heady sweet human scent tinged with the unmistakable metallic hint of warm flowing blood. He revelled in it as it added to her extraordinary inner and outer beauty. The moonlight was casting an ethereal glow on her skin but she seemed to glow with innocence and goodness from the inside. He wanted to give this lovely girl a name. He had heard other people in the house call her name a couple of times. The voices were muffled and from the distance he had heard only a part of her name. Her true name could be anything; Elizabeth, Elise, Lizzy, Eloise... but the partly discernable name he had heard sounded perfect for her. He decided then that that was what he would call her. Not loudly, but in his heart and mind, whenever he remembered her, because he wanted to keep her memory afresh even though her body would eventually grow frail and wither away. He wanted the name for this fascinating girl with so many expressions, thoughts, hopes and dreams. He wanted the name as it would remind him of the precious and fragile humanity that he possessed before he was mercilessly plunged into perpetual coldness. He wanted the name that gave way to that strange warmth which won over his frigidity. Sitting on the ledge he smiled too, mimicking her and marvelled at the intensity behind the simple expression. He continued looking at her, breathing deeply again, absorbed in her beauty while Liza slept on...

Friday, March 12, 2010

The contest II

Hello there! Entering the Blog Contest was truly an amazing experience. I didn't win but it wasn't about winning as much as it was about seeing my blog post among so many prodigiously creative blog posts. What an incredible boost! I personally encourage all the bloggers to enter The Blog Contest. It's truly worth a shot. Click on the link to enter.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The pleasant surprise

I’ve a compulsive habit of observing and analysing people, mostly the ones I get to see often. The best place to do this, the ideal place rather, is on a bus. I take enough pride in saying that most of my observations on my fellow travellers are very close to being accurate. Yet, certain people have surprised me in unexpected ways occasionally. One such person is a college girl who travels everyday in my bus. The first time I saw her, the words that came to my mind were ‘small, timid, frail, quiet, shy, sweet...’ I then wondered how she managed being a medical student. She looked like she’d swoon over a paper cut. The big fat medical books that she carried barely let her climb the steps of the bus. Whenever she sat beside me I had enough space on the seat to keep my bag beside me. Well, you get the picture. One fine morning in the bus she surprised me good. I was awed. My manner of looking at her with kind pitiful eyes changed to that with respectful admiration-filled ones. She was carrying an umbrella along with the usual stack of bulky medical text books. Her journey from the bus entrance till the seat next to me was one filled with precarious and unsure footsteps. She flopped down beside me and sighed and I hoped my sigh of relief wasn’t very audible. I resumed minding my own business of staring out the window and somewhere along the way she got busy with her cell phone. I realised it when she started speaking to someone over it. I had no problem with not eavesdropping since she spoke in a soft voice, thus tipping my observations of her towards accurate.
There is another person who also travels by the same bus everyday. Many words come to my mind when I look at him too of which the politest are self conceited perverted midget. I’ve refrained myself from observing him since he himself has the habit of looking around curiously, especially at the female faction. He could perceive my observation of him as a sign of reciprocation that could further lead to wrong (involuntary shudders inducing) conclusions. I’ve not heard his voice either since he has not thankfully come close enough for me to hear it. That morning I looked in the general direction of the bus entrance long enough to know he’d got in. Then I went back to my looking-out-the-window-but-not-actually-seeing-anything routine. The girl next to me talked away on the phone softly. There came a bus stop where there’s a considerably more influx of passengers compared to other stops. So the bus stops there for a few minutes. It was the midget’s stop to get down. I guess he dozed off; I’m not sure and I didn’t care. He was sitting somewhere behind us. Anyway, that day he didn’t realise he had to get down until the bus started to move again. When it did he scrambled hurriedly towards the front entrance. He could have taken the back one but unfortunately (for him) he didn’t. The girl still talked away, oblivious. In a hurry to get to the entrance he ignored the poles that people use to keep them from falling in a moving bus. Seeing him run, the bus conductor realised that he meant to get down. He whistled, the driver hit the brakes, the bus lurched slightly. Now, I can’t say if it was an accident or if the midget was perverse opportunist extraordinaire. On his way to the front entrance he stepped to his right where the ladies’ seat were, scrambled onwards and brushed against the side of the girl next to me. What happened after that keeps playing in my mind in ultra slow motion over and over again. I’m sure it didn’t even last for a second. After brushing against her the midget kept moving ahead aided by the momentum and partly due to the inertia caused by the sudden braking of the bus (er... pardon the technicality). The girl, however, until then talking in barely over a whisper, whipped up her umbrella in her left hand and swung it hard against the front of the midget who’d committed the atrocity of brushing against her. Whack! Her reflexes were amazing! The time between the contact of his arm to her side and the resounding whack was less than a millisecond. The phone was still in her right hand. I’d seen the guy come up from behind from the corner of my eye. By the time I’d reacted and turned my head fully to my left, the brushing, the whipping up of umbrella and the swinging was already over. My head turned towards the scene just in time to see the full fledged whack! I was stunned. And I wasn’t the only one. Many other people in the bus witnessed the incredible incident that had lasted for one whole second. The midget was swung sideways by the force but the momentum kept him moving towards the entrance. He stumbled once over his own foot, but maintained his balance and almost flew out of the entrance. It looked like he was fleeing for an instant. And in that instant I thought that was the wisest thing he’d ever done. Stick around for one more second and you’ll get another whack, I thought. Serves him right! I was elated, pumped with girl-power confidence. I wanted to thump the girl on her back and say “you go, girl!” Frail, timid, shy my ass! More like: calm until you mess with me, then, I’m Xena and I’ll make you regret. Still grinning I turned to look at my new hero (or heroine)...
Only to see her talking on the phone in that soft voice again, the umbrella back on her lap, smiling faintly as if nothing at all had happened. My grin was gone, wiped away. I looked at her for a second or two. Then I turned away and looked out the window, a faint smile spreading on my own face.