Sunday, July 31, 2011

The hiatus

It’s been a while. I’ve never gone so long without writing since I took it up as a hobby seriously. Not just blogging, since not everything I write goes up on my blog site; but writing in general. There have been numerous days when I’ve found myself huddled in my room with a battered diary and a pen furiously jotting down whatever that sprung up in my mind as a result of an epiphany or inspiration. My creativity would go on a manic overdrive consistently, if unpredictably. I could afford this literal insanity; even wholeheartedly welcome it, since everything else was so constant, so predictable, and normal to the point of being boring. Then there came a deluge of changes. All kinds of changes. Changes in me, around me, in others. A few expected, many others unexpected and all of them inevitable. The phrase ‘nothing lasts forever’ took a whole new level of meaning for me. It’s so easy to delude ourselves that we do it quite unwittingly. It is quite easy when things are going normally for us. We live in a bubble without even knowing of its existence until something or someone comes along and bursts it to nothingness. Now this happens to everyone at some point or the other I’m sure. What sets us apart from each other is how we set about to do the damage control. In the end it comes down to the realization that just as the bubble of contentment met its end, this gloom will have an end too. And it’s not necessary that solving all the problems and finding the answers to predicaments will lift the gloom. There are no ultimate winners or losers in this fragile, never-lasting realm. You've won a little over life just by deciding to face its problems and lost by choosing to run away from them. Already I feel like I’ve triumphed over my inconsistent writing dilemma by spewing out so much “deep stuff” while fiction writing has always been my repertoire. So despite all the tears and heartbreaks an mishaps and all the known and unknown things that go with them that I’d rather avoid, there’s still one insanity that I can afford and wholeheartedly welcome.